Are you like me, frequently seeing patients coming to you in unbelievable stress? Sometimes they can’t make a decision, can’t talk, can’t think, and aren’t listening to a word you say because they are filled with fear and anxiety. When this happens, I acknowledge their fear and anxiety. I say, “I can see that you’re under a lot of stress and experiencing anxiety.” Then, I share my personal experience as a patient. I tell them, “I can completely relate to that because I have been a patient myself.”

When I say this, patients often look at me in disbelief. I show them my teeth and explain, “I have 23 teeth that are crowned. I’ve lost nine teeth.” Not many dentists have gone through something like this, but I have experienced full-mouth rehabilitation. While not everyone can share that same experience, we’ve all gone through challenges that were scary. Sharing your story, whatever it is, can create a powerful emotional connection with patients.

When you connect emotionally with your patients, they feel understood.

For example, I tell my patients, “You’re in the right place.” This simple, declarative statement makes them feel more comfortable. The brain tends to believe declarative sentences, so when you confidently tell a patient, “You’re in the right spot,” it helps them relax. After pausing to let that reassurance sink in, I explain their problem, assuring them that I’ve treated many others with similar issues.

Most patients think their problem is the worst you’ve ever seen, and some doctors make this worse by reacting dramatically. Avoid that. Even if you’ve never seen a problem like theirs before, say, “I’ve seen this before.” Minimize the drama to help them feel more at ease.

One of the most common nightmares in the United States is about losing teeth.

I share this with patients, saying, “I bet you’ve had a dream about losing your teeth.” When they confirm this, they think I’m brilliant for knowing. I explain that it’s a common dream in the U.S. because I’ve known this for decades from working with patients. This knowledge helps me relate to their fears and normalizes their anxiety.

Then, I tell my patients about my own experience. Despite losing nine teeth and undergoing full-mouth rehabilitation, I felt safe because I had excellent dentists who cared for me. I explain that it’s essential to trust the process and the professionals you choose to work with.

After acknowledging their fear and reassuring them, I empower my patients by educating them. I tell them, “I’m just a dentist. I happen to know a lot about teeth, gums, and bone, but all I am is a human being with a special skill.” I compare my role to that of a plumber—someone with a specialized skill who is there to help. This humanizes the experience and reduces the perception that I’m an untouchable expert.

I then bring them up to a level where they feel informed enough to make decisions about their treatment. I provide them with options and let them decide what’s best for their future without pressure. Empowering patients in this way reduces their anxiety because they feel in control.

By focusing on education, I help my patients rewrite their future.

Instead of a future filled with fear, they can envision one that is positive and hopeful. I draw inspiration from Benjamin Hardy’s book, Be Your Future Self Now, co-written with Dan Sullivan. It’s all about creating a future you can live into. Many patients don’t feel worthy of having a beautiful smile, but when you communicate effectively, you can help them see what’s possible.

Taking that moment to connect with a patient and communicate thoughtfully is transformative. An educated patient is the best patient because they make decisions that align with their needs and goals. When we take the time to educate, empower, and reassure our patients, they can create a future they never thought possible.

Remember: be the gift to your patients. By taking these steps, you can reduce their fear, build trust, and help them feel more confident in the care they are receiving.